ROBOT SMALL

OK... I have abandoned this blog for a long time. Too long. There are a couple of reasons why.

(1) The project that shall remain nameless. I have been involved in a crazy project since Ivo was born. And it just got harder and harder to work on this project and have any kind of work/life balance. My work/life balance began like a snake eating it's tail when Ivo was about 7 months old. By the time Ivo was 2.5 years old, the snake was actually chowing down on it's own head, and spitting out it's own bones. Blogging fell by the wayside, because any and all available time was spent with Ivo, instead of blogging about him. This is finally letting up, and I am going to try to fill in the blanks and gaps, and start talking about what our lives are like. It's amazing to hear that my sister (who just had a baby) is going back and re-reading old posts that I did when Ivo was her son's age. Makes me realize that this blog is going to be GOLD in about 20 years!

(2) When I studied philosophy many years back, I was fascinated by the idea that there were two notions of the self. One was that the self was like an apple, and one was that the self was like an onion. The theory that the self is like an apple means that there is the outer layer that you can see, the skin, and that there is a central core that never changes, that is what you truly are (but no one really ever sees it). The theory that the self is like an onion is the theory that you are a different person to everyone in your life. You are one person when you are with your friends, one when you are with your lover, one when you are with your family, or at school, or work. The problem with the blog and the internet in general (Facebook) is that you can't be a different person to different people. I like to be an onion. My blog is heavily censored, because it's essentially a baby book, and I don't like all my personal dirty laundry to be hanging out on the internet, especially in conjunction with my son's name. But when 90% of what is going on in my life is stuff that I can't/won't/don't write about, then I feel like a liar just talking about taking Ivo to the park, like we have this little ideal surburban life. Creating a lie, in a way. That's not really how it was. Revisionist history.

(3) Foreclosure, eviction, poverty and joblessness. To say that my life is not ideal right now is an understatement. All you have to do is read my horoscope.

Saturn square Saturn: Soul-searching Mid October 2008 until end of July 2009: This is a critical period in which several aspects of your life and experience will be tested, especially those that began to be important about seven years ago. Most often this influence is experienced as a sort of identity crisis in which you begin to question what you are doing. You may suffer a crisis of confidence at this time, fearing that you have made the wrong moves in life or committed yourself to some course of action that will not be good in the long run. During this period you will think about and question all the long-term trends in your life. You will not be thinking about trivial matters. Sometimes a particular event triggers off this period of soul-searching. Others may create difficulties for you, especially in your business or professional area. Perhaps they detect the first signs of insecurity that will afflict you during this period. If they are people who naturally compete with you, they may try to take advantage of your apparent weakness. Employers and other superiors may also sense your feelings of insecurity and wonder whether you are the right person for the job you are doing. You must recognize that some aspects of your life need to be questioned at this time. But don't stand in one spot quivering about your life. Examine it and make whatever changes are possible and seem appropriate. Any project you started seven years ago or any new aspect of yourself that first surfaced then that is truly worth continuing will still be worthwhile after this period. This is a time of testing, and anything that withstands the test will be better for it. Things that do not pass the test are well got rid of. Shortly you will enter a period of stability and fruitfulness that will justify the events that take place now. In fact, if you are truly conscious of your life and your objectives, you will not undergo a real crisis at all. You will only go through a period of examining what is working and what is not. Your difficulties with the outer world at this time are signals about what you should be doing.

HEY! If I make it to the end of July, everything will change, right?! RIIIIIGHT.

Besos, and don't worry, all three of you that read this. It's going to be OK.